My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
