How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
someone owes me an orgasm
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
