So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
