I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
