you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
