apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think a kid would responsible me up
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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