ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
