Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize