once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize