Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Randomize
