Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
