What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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