He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
