u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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