So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize