They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
