I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
