How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
this hospital has no fireball
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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