Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
