The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
