Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
