I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
