Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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