oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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