Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
