The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
