i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
