I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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