i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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