I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
