Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
