I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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