i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
