Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
