dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
