Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
