Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
