My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
