I can tuck mytits in my pants
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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