Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
