I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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