Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
