I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize