I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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