feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
