Do you still have your period?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Randomize
