Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
