Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
third nipple confirmed
did you just send me my own nude
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