Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
