Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
