Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
