Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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