3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
