I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
