you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
