you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
