how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my vag is so smooth its legendary
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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