your room smells of hookers.
And success
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
