worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
do herpes really smell.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
