After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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