Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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