bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
