My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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