the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
