Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My dad is sitting where you rode me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
