it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
