he puts the penis in happiness.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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