the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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