Umm I'm too high to move.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
