Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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