She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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