nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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