can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
